This blog post is inspired by Aisyahrozi

This is the real me. The Real Sabeur

As a blogger, I merely present the enjoyable parts of my existence and I sometimes tend leave the shit stuff out. I can assure you that I’m not all blissful and all easy life. I had my fair share of inconveniences, family difficulty, love struggle, friend problems and really hard misfortune.

I cry myself to sleep
I thought about killing myself (I would probably regret saying this, Note to self: when you get to university, don’t tell anyone about your blog.)

I’m a shy person, low self-esteem
… I’m weird and do weird things like blog about my life and how my life is kool.

Family difficulty:
most people that identify with me, would think I live in a happy fairly tale life, but I don’t. I remember my family problems started when my little brother who passed away (RIP) and for what four years my whole family was emotionally messed, we would have a lot of arguments, walk outs, fits and fights every day. I know what I will say might sound like a Hollywood script … but dad worked in another country and he would come home to a “loving happy family” but as he left the fighting would remain… I really hated myself and I done things which I regret and really wish I could have some guidance … I didn’t pray, I was out till late, messed about in school, got kicked out.

I have failed my dad on being the man of the house, he wants to look up to me and I let him down. He wants to have those fathers to son moments and I said I had better things to do.

I have changed, I pray and ask Allah for guidance, I finished my education at school with average grades which got me to a good college and just Inshallah (hope to god) it works out for me, so I can repay mommy and daddy for the life they tried to give me.

Love struggle:
In my family there is a rule for boys and girls “No girl/boyfriend, its harram (against god’s wishes)”. I won’t talk about this because a lot of family members read this blog so I don’t want to say anything on love… the stupidest thing I done before starting this blog, I named it after my home town and connected it with my name … PISSED.

I have been heartbroken and really confused at times. Love is something special and it what keeps me going, my love for my mum and family as a whole and someone else.

Friend problems
For me making friends is actually hard, because I don’t want to be the first to make the move and start talking to random people, I would have to know someone from class, football, hobbies then we can be friends but random on the street or in college I can’t do it. I moved schools a lot around 4 times and cities. I liked in the North of England then moved to London, so I had to change and make new friends. London is different to the North, it’s more rough and dangerous thus not everyone was all “Hello good morning “. I was poor, when people talked about the latest computer game, video clothes I would keep quite just to save myself the embracement, even my pocket was low, people would get £10 a day and that’s what I got a week.

I’m happy now, I earn enough money to keep me happy, I try to talk people, but people just ignore me because they themselves find it hard to talk.

Really hard misfortune:
Really hard stuff, like block metal fashion, Lord of the ring approach, can only destroyed in the fires of Mordor, anyone up for a fellowship?

On happy note, poker party on Saturday can’t wait YAH