The girl of my dreams is
One year older than me (two year really but who is counting)
Very beautiful
Kind, elegant, well manned, has self respect and shame
… and really modest

Her: How old are you again?
Me: 17? Soon 18 though
Her: I’m 19, It can’t work
Me: Age doesn’t matter
Her: What will your friends say?
Me: I don’t care
Her: What about my friends?
Me: I’m sure they can understand, do you care what they think?
Her: No … (silence)…
Me: I really care for you and really like you … one date is all I ask
Her: (Silence)
Me: So is that a Yes or a No? No?
Her: Maybe … I think so
Me: (I stopped and let her walk one … she turned around and turns to the next road and i was dead inside)

God it kills me each time I remember, I see her everyday in college but I’m a inhibited guy and I can’t even say ‘hey’ because she is always sitting opposite me, far or with a friend. We are not in the same course but it seems we nearly have the same time table. She takes the same bus as me but … I still don’t know what to do.

I want to put her out of your mind, she is older for me, and she is going to a fashion university (girls only one). She makes me smile and blush for no reason … I see her smiling but I’m sure what those mean. I get that feeling in my stomach (butterflies) when I see her … I weep inside every time she walks past and I don’t speak. I feel without a friend in the world without her.

I would ask her out again but I don’t want to push myself into her personal space she was probably being nice and not rejecting me so hard, I’m confused what does “Maybe … I think so” mean? Is it a NO or a NO but maybe we need to get know each other more.

I know if we had a relationship. It won’t work; she is a woman and wants a man who can protect her, not a young man who still gets money from his Dad. I had plans on what I will do on our first date with her, where I will go and what I will get her. All my friends think like every guy … I’m after the “sex”, but they still don’t believe me when I say … “Sex is the last thing, on my head”, I just want love … really love *(Massari – real love) .

She is special, there are a lot of girls in the college but it’s like I’m blind with her love, I don’t like or have any feeling for any other girl(s). I feel so mad in love that it hurts, I just can’t wait for her to leave college so I can relax and forget.

… I feel like a loser and just to clear something … I’m a stalker lol, I know her for a while before I made my move but we are not close friends … I think I should get to know her or give up. It’s true real love is really painful.